Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
