I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
