he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
