i think i have two assholes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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