he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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