There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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