I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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