drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
