and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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