i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
