I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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