my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
