new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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