peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
