I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
