That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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