so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have tasted many bathrooms
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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