Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
