Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
