Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
