Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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