he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
