I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
