I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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