All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
