Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i have two assholes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
