it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize