see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
