Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
