its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
