I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
