So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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