Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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