time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
