whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week