She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
pray to the hookup gods
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us