if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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