Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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