i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
