you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
