All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Terrible idea I love it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
