my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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