the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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