While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
