I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
