my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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