I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
