lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.