I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high