Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.