I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
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Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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