u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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