I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life