dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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