Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
