I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
