Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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