If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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