like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
