There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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