FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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