just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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