Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
