Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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