ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
