Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
