so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
