do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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