I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
