i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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