help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
