the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
