He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
