Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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