I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
