About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
