I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
