Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
