I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
