Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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