literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
