dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
