So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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