i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hippo gnu deer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
