hotel room ftw
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
