Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
