you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
