Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
