why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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