All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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