its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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