I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why didn't you poke me back
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
