he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
